Sad, Not Mad

I screamed so hard my throat was tender afterwards. That all-too-familiar uncontrollable rage. Like a volcano, it’s unpredictable and uncontrollable. Experts have assessed anger as a secondary emotion to a more subtle and deeply buried feeling, often hurt and/or fear. Here’s proof.

I’ve progressed in my horse riding abilities over the years, but still consider myself a few steps beyond novice. Due to extensive travel, Clint, my handsome 7-year old Paint, and I were getting reacquainted. I was pleased with our progress, or better stated, lack of regression. We were both getting back into the groove.

Until Boaz appeared on the scene.

My exuberant 8-month old Rottweiler/Swiss Mountain Dog mix loves romping on the ranch. And why not? It’s Candyland with scrumptious piles of doggie-chocolate everywhere you look. But at this moment, his mama atop a BIG dog had his attention. “Let’s play!” he seemed to say as he darted beneath Clint’s feet.
My concern was two-fold: I didn’t want Boaz to get kicked in the head, and I didn’t want Clint to get spooked and react. So, what manifested as rage (“Get out of here!!” Ludicrous. Like Boaz understood my command. What he heard was “Let’s play!”) was actually sheer fear.

How often do you get mad when your heart is actually sad? Pissy when you honestly feel pitiful. You throw a punch when you honestly need a hug?

The concordance listing for fear is lengthy. God tells us, “Perfect love casts out all fear.” “Fear not” was every angel’s reassuring words. And surely Isaiah 41:10 is worth committing to memory: “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (ESV)

So next time you find yourself screaming and/or cursing, slow down and go get some love.

P.S. Boaz will hereafter be comfortably tucked in his crate when Mom and Clint are working in the arena.